If you know anything about me, you know, I’ve lived lifetimes upon lifetimes in this lifetime
There’s this thing I have which is my inner ( LOUD ) voice.
She is the boss of my choices, actions, flows and sometimes in conflict with my intellect, but mostly they do work together quite well!
Soul voice leads, intellect follows and makes the plan accordingly.
This has led to a very windy “ career” path.
Which soul voice knows is BS and human mind created b/c of course, how can a divine energetic being made of the cosmos and the elements have a “career”???
But intellect voice plays along, “we are in a human body! we have to pay bills! be in the human world! make something of yourself!”
okay, okay, and they dance.
This past Winter and into early Spring, I have had yet ( another) shift in how I spend my days, led by my soul voice who gave me a very clear map of what to do and where to go.
I followed.
Now I spend some of my days with dirt filled nails and tired legs.
I tend to so many plant babies, caring for them in such loving ways.
My time at the local perennial nursery has become my weekly meditation.
Simple repetitive tasks.
My mind noisy when I come in, clearer when I clock out.
Last week, as I was hand pruning some beautiful Tiarella, I remembered the last time I felt like this was when I would go to Silent Zen Meditation retreats.
These retreats had simple, repetitive instructions.
A place to clear my congested mind and body.
Unfortunately, due to a lot of challenges I don’t really want to write about yet- I left that community and have yet to return to ANY meditation community with that same level of discipline, commitment and vigor.
Wow, I have missed this unadulterated time to just practice being fully present, fully engaged in breathing and life as it is. Now and Now and Now.
In January, I made my phrase of the year “ attune to aliveness” after feeling drained, exhausted, heartbroken and so so sad, feeling the pain of the world.
I had no idea it would lead me to these plants, who are healing me, while I water them.
I never know where the soul voice will take me, or what she will have me risk along the way.
I do know that intellect mind tries REALLY hard to be the CEO.
And yet….
Now that I’m in plant Zendo, I’m more committed to the next phase of projects that are coming down the road. So intellect mind is content again, chewing on problems to solve and things to build.
My whole life, I have lived by this scene in Beaches where Barbara Hershey is dying and she yells with full envy at Bette Midler, “You did everything you said you wanted to do, EVERYTHING!”
We never know when we’ll be the one dying, (it’s now and now and now…..)
and I want to be the one who feels so deep in my bones,
I DID EVERYTHING I SAID I WANTED TO DO. EVERYTHING!
XO, P.
Love hearing about your communing with plants, and the wind that bought you there. I have a healing date with plants 3x a week with my solo nature walks. Nice that you're also getting paid!